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English Jokes

Englische Witze - English Jokes

Wer dem Deutschen überdrüssig ist, findet hier English Jokes

Hier eine kleine Liste an English Jokes. Ein paar englische Witze im Repertoire können auch nicht schaden.

Teacher: 'You missed school yesterday, didn't you?'
Pupil: 'Not very much!'

Mother: 'Keep that dog out of the house. It is covered in mud.'
Sam: 'Keep out of the house, little dog. It is covered in mud.'

If you want to get realy stoned drink wet cement.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have... The older she gets the more interested he is in her.


When I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk: 'I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled?' To which she replied: 'No, it’s regular porn, you sick bastard!'

The drunk driver says: 'Ossssifer, you need to get your records straight. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!'

Kunde: "Do you have a four volt, two watt light bulb?"
Verkäufer: "For what?"
Kunde: "No, two."
Verkäufer: "To what..."
Kunde: "Yes."
Verkäufer: "No"
Kunde: "Thank you. Goodbye"
Verkäufer: "Goodbye"


'Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible.'
'Who said that?'

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father (to her children)
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent


37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
54. Never to forget:. birthdays. anniversaries. arrangements she makes.

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Make love to him.

Einsendungen von English Jokes sind immer willkommen! Hier Witz einsenden.


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